a little pity party...

I'm new at this stay-at-home mom thing...and it's tough.  I knew it would be tough going into it, but I keep thinking...is it the time change that's killing me?  Is it because he's a horrible sleeper?  Is it his new surroundings?  Is it because it's just the two of us for the majority of every day?  Is it because he's so clingy and needy that I can't get anything done?  Is he clingy and needy because we aren't surrounded by as many people as we used to be?  Is it because I had the bright idea to start potty training in the midst of all this newness?  Is it because we had a few rainy days and we were stuck inside instead of being able to go outside?  I don't know...but I do know that lately I've felt that all I do all day is wash the dishes, unload the dishwasher, clean the counters, sweep up crumbs and fold the laundry.  That and run back to the potty each time Brooks thinks he needs to go. 

Yesterday I found myself wondering how I can I live a life of purpose when it seems like I've taken on more of a role of "housekeeper" and "Brooks' playmate" rather than anything else.  He whined and cried and followed me around saying he needed me to carry him.  He said his tummy hurt and his bottom hurt and his leg hurt and his foot hurt.  He wanted to take a nap, but when we got in his bed he wanted to play with his toys.  When we went to his toys he needed to go potty.  When he sat on the potty he realized he didn't need to go afterall.  "Get me juice; I want you; I need a snack..."  This went on all day.  He was dirty from the park and wanted to take a shower...until about three-fourths of the way through it.  Then he decided he didn't like showers and LOST IT screaming about how terrible they are.  As my fuse continued to shorten and I thought I might lose it, I had my moment of clarity.  I realized the answer to my question.  My purpose during this season of my life is to teach him about Jesus through my reactions.  When he deserves it the least is when I must open up my heart the most.  It's not enough to emphasize "please" and "thank you" while teaching him to say, "May I please have a snack" instead of telling me to get him one.  I have to look at him the way the Lord looks at us.  This thought process has been enlightening and humbling and it's made me realize that this is the hardest job I will ever have. 

Lamentations 3:22-23

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.