Monday, March 28, 2011

get busy living...

...or get busy dying.  Keith and I watched "The Shawshank Redemption" many times and it was one of our favorite movies.  In fact, people have asked if that's where we came up with the name Brooks - it's not just in case you're wondering now, too. 

I have been missing Keith big time lately.  Overall I am doing really well, but I still feel like there is a huge void within me.  It's almost as if the more I move on, the more I miss him.  But I continue on because that is the girl he married so, in part, I do it for him.  Mainly I move on for Brooks but I also do it for me. 

I continue to take trips and see friends and plan more fun things to do in the future, but the void remains because the ONE person I want to do these things with won't be joining me.  Ever.  And that sucks.  I have found that the more I do these things the easier it becomes and that leads me to believe that I am healing.  However, then I I forcing the process?  Am I doing things to propel myself in the right direction?  All of the psycho-babble and reasons for doing things is enough to make you crazy without the weight of your problems.  But when I cut away the fluff I see the choice I am making:  to get busy living.  And I'm okay with that.  This process takes time and I'd rather get through it living rather than dying.  Maybe I'll post some Spring Break pictures when I have the chance.  :)

No comments: